... Reflecting didn't come easy?

It's hard to feel reflective and figure out how to draw meaning from situations when you're still in the midst of them. That being said, I feel like I'm constantly trying to see the greater picture and figure out why things are happening that are changing me and potentially the course of my life. When my dad passed away I remember a moment where I was able to step away from the deep, unfamiliar, and truly indescribable pain and realize that I could now relate to a whole different spectrum of human emotion. I felt a strange sense of comfort in knowing that that spectrum, and my level of relatedness to others had just grown. I could now understand loss on a different level and relate to an emotion that everyone has to encounter at some point in their lives.

So I've been trying to step away with what's currently going on with Ellis and see the bigger picture - what life lessons are we both learning from all this? Some may take time to reveal themselves, but I think one of the biggest I've learned is that just showing up means the world. I was talking on the phone with my friend Mel about this earlier today and we both agreed that you'll never regret making a compromise to be there for someone. And having been on the other end of the spectrum, it really does mean the world to be the receiver of that support.

The amount of love Ellis has received has been amazing and humbling - his house has been like a revolving door of friends and family driving from all over just to be there with him, even if it's for 5 minutes. Friends from childhood and college, extended family and long lost acquaintances - that's the silver lining. While this situation has been emotional and difficult, the amount of support it's provoked makes you really take a second to think about what's most important and remember to realign priorities in the future.

I'm grateful that I've been able to be here for Ellis as a currently unemployed shmuck hanging out at his house 24/7. Since the surgery, we've heard a lot of positive news from the MRI and are just waiting to received the biopsy results on Wednesday. Once we get more information I'll make a decision about my next steps. If I end up making it back on my adventure with Anna, I'm sure I'll have even more time to think or maybe (hopefully) just get lost in the experience. Because sometimes all this thinking is exhausting.

So that being said, it's time to play my mom in backgammon. All for now.

A photo of me and Ellis when I arrived at the hospital straight from the airport - so relieved